A few months ago I made that inevitable leap in life of finally moving out of my parent’s house. Not only did I break the barriers within my comfort zone by living without my immediate family; I moved abroad from the UK to France, and then again from France to South Korea. People move abroad and travel overseas all the time: I get it. Although moving out of my family home, moving abroad to France which I had never even visited prior, and beginning a serious relationship with the man I love erupted all within a matter of days and months.
Being independant wasn’t an issue. Even as a child, (-more so as a adolescent) I had cooked, cleaned and studied alone with minimal guidence; so in other words I wasn’t freaked out by operating the heating system or attending a meeting for making a bank account. My issue was, and still is, overcoming change.
I have never coped well with changes. The anxiety overides all my thoughts to the point that it triggers or worsens my insomnia, my stomach twists and gurlgles out of anticipation, I overthink the negative outcomes that even I know are unlikely to occur. Thankfully over the years I have ‘grown out’ of my major anxiety issues or at least have learnt how to manage it.
I no longer get such heightened anxiety; yet somehow I’m slowly becoming more worried for my future as well as concerned as to whether or not I can settle properly into life outside of London. Its now the fear of the unknown which clouds my mind.
I will be honest. I don’t think there is a way to cease an anxiety disorder, just like depression, anxiety can be triggered at any given time when we feel uncomfortable, out of control, when faced with the unfamiliar. On the contrary it is managable.
Changes including new life experiences can only be avoided for some period of time. My ‘motto’ in life has become ‘just get it over and done with’. Go to a scary job interview, apply for that course you need to attend in order to obtain that qualification, talk to the person that interrupts that automated phone message. Even if you have to pretend to be confident, it will all be just fine: because you’ll be snug in the comfort zone of your bed by the end of the day and surrounded by your loved one/s. You can even become the happiness you have even been; no longer yearning to do something or to be with a certain someone in a particular place. Besides, you aren’t the only on who is feeling anxious. Who said the interviewer is more confident than the interviewee?