Diary #9 – My mind is muddled.

I’d say it’s possibly surpassed a week since I have felt like writing anything. I managed to type-up a product review sometime last week, but to be honest it felt forced; then again I feel pleased with myself that I was productive in some shape or form despite feeling ‘low’ (?) I thought it wouldn’t be acceptable to write so negatively, therefore I purposely skipped writing diary entries for a brief moment… Just now I thought to myself, I wouldn’t be realistic and open if I only wrote when positive minded or routing to excitedly relay details of any fun activities I may have encountered. I don’t want to be fake; moreso I don’t want young readers to mislead into believing that bloggers, professional or those who do not make an income from their writing, live lives full of constant happiness and delight. Diary entries are intended to give space for venting. Rain or shine diaries are a log of true events, so today I will write with even more sincerity than what is standard.

I am yet to experience the ceasing of depression, more often than not I have considered that their is no end, or ‘cure’ if you will, to depression: it will always be there yet the intensity of it and how I cope with such mental state and emotions is what can be managed. For a good few months I’ve had more ups than downs. I have kept occupied and focused on bettering myself in whichever way that might be in order to have a life that will be rewarding, comfortable and overall satisfactory in the long and short term. However, for the last two weeks I feel like I’ve taken a massive step back. I’ve spiraled back into the old regrettable habits of crying out of sadness, anxiety and shamefully pitying myself. I don’t know how to shake the blues away this time. Even now I’m becoming hesitate to publish this in the fear of judgement. ”Another mental girl who wants sympathy? We all have problems. Get over it!” – Many wouldn’t dare say it, that doesn’t mean no one will think it.

Right now I aim to relax myself. I have a warm cat curled-up on my lap (bearing in mind that my keyboard is also on my lap, so I’m not entirely in comfort), I’m wearing soft baggy lounge-wear and a vitamin sheet mask which I hope will brighten my complextion. Having no caffeine is sometimes a good choice, so I have some new drinks at hand: a rose lemonade and an Earl Grey latte to be exact.

Has anyone else been watching Britain’s Got Talent? Thank Jesus (or Buddha, Zac Efron etc) for VPNs! The tambourine enthusiast who travelled all the way from Japan to perform really made me laugh out loud, especially when he started hitting himself in the face with it. Not going to lie, it’s a bizarre so called talent; but that guy has got some skills! I’m a tad disappointed with the opening episodes of series 5 of ‘Line of Duty’. The story line is as fast paced as it has always been, I just don’t think we have seen enough action and events so far have been rather predictable. Maybe my standards are too high after the previous series’? Regardless, I will always recommend ‘Line of Duty’ to anyone who gravitates toward cop themed dramas.

I haven’t experimented with or discovered any new recipes as of recent; instead I have often been preparing Japanese style vegetable curry. Typically this style of curry includes onions, potatoes, carrots and button mushrooms; although I wanted to use up whichever fresh ingredients I already had at home as replacements. I made use of some carrots, mixed green leaves and some white onion adding a lightly fried whole smoked sausage to place on top. It wasn’t only filling, it was moreish.

Regrettably I don’t have much to share with you this time round. If you have any suggestions for how to calm down when feeling irritable and depressed, please share them with each other in the comment section. I’m open minded to any methods.

Goodnight.

🥀

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12 Comments Add yours

  1. Great post!
    Blogging for free can be overwhelming sometimes, you apply the same effort as if you’re getting paid.
    I love to take breaks sometimes from the sphere, rediscover myself and develop content.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hunida says:

    Your cats are so cute! I am so sorry you are feeling down, I wish I could help. We are never judging you! You can always write here, even negative thoughts. ♡

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you 🙂 x

      Liked by 1 person

  3. chloeburford says:

    I am so sorry to hear you’re not feeling too great, I completely understand and am sending love your way! Essential oils or aromatherapy bubble bath helps me! xx

    Like

    1. Thanks for the kind thoughts, and I will look into using essential oils x

      Like

  4. I know it’s hard, but try not to beat yourself up for feeling down. I’m impressed that you wrote anything at all. Take time to rest and be good to yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will try my hardest with your message in mind, today has been better than the past few at least x

      Like

  5. Never fear being judged. Everyone is important and their struggles are unique to them, there isn’t a cure tailored specifically to each and every person, we all need to find our own way, we can do is be there for each other and help as best we can.
    I know what you’re going through. You can do it, I believe in you! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate your reassure. I don’t total feel at ease despite the passing of some days but I’m a bit more positive minded than when I wrote this diary entry. Thank you for taking the time to send words of encouragement, I’ll remember all you have said x

      Like

      1. My pleasure. Glad to hear you’re feeling a bit better 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  6. It’s weird because my friend and her friend are stopping coffee and I don’t understand why. For me, its aromatherapy benefits are great– and when I stop drinking it, then I don’t feel like myself… and I always make it pressed, over ice, with whole unpasteurized milk and unprocessed sugar, so it helps me with my digestion and the milk and sugar is actually good for my particular skin type, but I think coffee is different for men and women…also, writing about health and beauty can be depressing because there is so much out there and it doesn’t ever seem like we are ever doing enough, but being aware of our own ups and downs is good to me, even though it’s difficult, because it means we are balanced and aware of ourselves, good luck 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Infact I’m starting to feel that coffee didn’t necessarily have to be cut out of my diet in order to see if it was having negative effects on my mood. On the flip side I think coffee helps me as long as I don’t consume too much per day 🤔 Thank you for sharing your outlook on things, it has made me think things from a different perspective.

      Liked by 1 person

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